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Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?

Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

What were the balloon's last words to his Father?

"Watch me, Pop!"

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Why can’t orphans watch clean nice content? Because they are family friendly.

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

Why can't orphans go outside?

Because they have no parents to watch them!

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

Bruh, who likes Dhar Mann nowadays? That shit is ass AF. And it's just legit shit like only nerds that are fatherless would watch that shit.

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

"Watch out, plane! Wait, really? I ordered pepperoni."

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.

Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.