Watch jokes
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
Why do cat orphans watch sci-fi movies?
Because they won't understand what the mother ship is.
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?
Because it can't find the home button.
Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin' wild sex.
Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick.
We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
Can I watch you?
Yes, you can watch me your watch.
No, I mean can I WATCH you?
I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.
OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.