War jokes
I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"