Why did Stephen hawking cross the road oh wait he didn't
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.
Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!
Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.
Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?
I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.
Still waiting on an answer.
Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.
Can't wait for Stephen Hawking's next update.
I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.
Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
I saw twins. I’m just waiting for those planes.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
I suck at baseball I can’t find home plate oh wait
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up." Nobody stands up. After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone." Little Johnny stands up. "Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?" "Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Stand? Wait. No.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
