Versus jokes
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?
You can hear a hormone.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
Why did the octopus 🐙 beat the shark in a fight?
Because he was well armed!
Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.