Versus jokes
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Can a box match? No, but a tin can.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
You know what a triangle has that women's rights don't? A point.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
Plane versus plane. Who wins? Plane.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.