Vehicle Jokes

I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.

Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.

The brunette brings canteens of water.

The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.

The blonde somehow rips off the car door.

The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"

To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

Why did the car fall asleep?

Because he was too tired.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"

The man said, "Okay."

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A Yamahahahaha!

All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

What's Stephen Hawking called on fire?

Hot Wheels :)

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

What do you call a flying octopus?

An octocopter! 🚁