My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
Yo mama is so dumb, she put speed bumps on the race track.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What are kidnappers' favorite shoes? White vans.
i was listening to wap in my car with my four year old cousin and she asked why they dont fix the holes in the house then my fucking boyfriend what a hoe was and pointed to me i pushed him out of the car and my other boyfriend took the front seat
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
Why do orphans prefer trucks? Because, unlike their parents, it is different.
When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
What's a kidnappers favorite White Vans
There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"
