Vegetable jokes
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
What is Beethoven's favorite vegetable?
Beets.
Mushroom?
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
Did you hear about the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well, the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.