Vegetable jokes
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
My mum's a carrot.