Vegetable jokes
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
My mum's a carrot.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.