Vegetable jokes
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.
I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
Q) What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
A) About 400 calories.
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.