Vampire jokes
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Spooktober meme!!!
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
bloody mary.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
What is the Twilight series about?
A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!