Value jokes

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?