Value jokes

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?

Because "family is everything!"

I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.