My career is worth more than your adoption.
This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."
Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
"COVERBITCH, your worthless."
Why is England's team unfair in chess?
Because 2 rooks = 10 and a queen = 9.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"
