Value jokes

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!

I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.