Value

Value Jokes

Baby

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

Self-worth

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

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  • Worth

    You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

    Mental Illness

    My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

    When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

    Love

    Bf: What do you think about our love?

    Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

    Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

    Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

    Adoption

    Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

    Turns out Christopher was adopted.

    Trade

    Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

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  • Misogyny

    What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

    Wrist

    My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

    “See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

    I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

    Found out I’m worth $3.97.

    Chocolate

    What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

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  • Phone

    What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

    I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

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  • Pool

    What do women and pools have in common?

    They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

    Prostitution

    Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

    Woman: "Sure."

    Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

    Woman: "What do you think I am?"

    Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

    Cent

    What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

    Stripper

    Why do strippers never care about things?

    Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.

    Human

    What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.