Value jokes
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What does e equal?
I don’t know, a bunch of random numbers, but e=mc2.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?
If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁