I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...
Girl, scan the code on your wrist!
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
