Use jokes

Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?

A: Use dental floss.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

Use the roast I put of flat earth.

Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"

Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."

"Among Us" tea water.

Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

Shame on you, Pessi!

You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.

What what's the cloud private place to go? Among us, cows.

"Say, Tenya, I heard you say that you hate Gwen. Will [you] join us!"

I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.

Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

Friend 1: *turns off lights*

Friend 2: *is there with us*

Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!

Me: uses the crucifix.

Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!