Use jokes
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Orphan: Where are my parents?
God: New York City.
Orphan: But they used to live in China.
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
How do rappers stay cool?
They use RAP-SICLES.
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.