Use jokes

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.

There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.

What is the difference between me and food?

Food has a use.

How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.

How do rappers stay cool?

They use RAP-SICLES.

When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?

When it's not raining.

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?

A-cheat shells.

Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!

What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?

An AK-BAR 47.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

Anybody can use this :)

Slow and steady wins the race, but it won't fix your ugly face. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.

What is more used than plastic?

Hookers.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!