New Ups Jokes - Page 39 - Worst Jokes Ever

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said "I will fuck you up", she said "try me", so that's exactly what I did and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying

An orphan girl’s boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

“If her parents didn’t want her, why should I?” 😂😂😂

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

Why Did the stairs move - Because it was up to somthing

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."

so i went up to a emo and i said why did you steal my bar code from my chips

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheel chair, he is getting bullied but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself

“Dude come here and see a rabbit!”

“Ok!”

“Are u ok man?”

“Yeah I’m fine”

“Dude pull your pants back up!

One day a lady and her husband we re talking and it was time for dinner he got up and sat at the dinning room table and the lady brang the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him ,what s this he said (the lady said a piece of shit ....honey! Wants some water to drink

HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!!!!

Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?

An asian walked up to a another asian that was crying. He asked, "Is somting wong?" The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon"

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing minecraft all night. Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believe that at the time. But now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't

get the gun shoot it up your bum

anyone up for some fortnite?

An orphan was chock g he called the ambulace i he forgot he's suicide and quickly HUNG up

Yeah I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up. Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb.*waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.