So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
Never search up "monkey with blue balls."
In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
A project where people get lined up to be changed.
