Ups

Ups jokes

Hey guys! It's Triple G. You can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes, as those are the jokes I specialize and only do best on in the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements, as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revoir, GGG

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

  • 2

    • You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

    Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

    Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.

    Sans: I am doing something.

    Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?

    Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.

    Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.

    Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.

    I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

    I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

    There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

    He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

    Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:

    Kleenex

    Depends

    Bicycle Helmet manufacturers

    Velcro Shoe manufacturers

    Steven Hawkings Publishers

    During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

    Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

    The grim reaper.

  • 0

    • I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

    Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?

    A: It sends chills up their spine.

    A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

    Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

    Guy: Robin

    Bank owner: Your last name?

    Guy: Debank

    Bank owner: Robin Debank?

    Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

    Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

    Actor: Really? What do I do?

    Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)