I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight, all I had to do is say stand up
i walked up to some Arabs and said alawakba, then here came the second tower.
When Pope Pius (IX.) died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, St. Peter opened: "Who are you, what do you want?” "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to heaven.” “Where do you come from?" "Rome." "What do you mean? Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!"
To make sure to not erroneously deny access to an authorised person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God and asks: "Hello Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "What do you mean: Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "No, sorry, I don’t know him."
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello Junior - here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "Rome Italy." "No sorry, never heard of."
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?" "What does he mean, Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "He says Rome Italy." "No sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while he continues: "Wait, wait - tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class So I threw him out the window
There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew and a black man on top of the Empire State Building. First the Mexican and the Jew throws there selves off of the building saying ‘ This is for my people’ Than the black is next up to jump and says ‘This is for my people’ And throws the White man off of the building.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
tripadvisor.com
A llahu Aks into a bar...
And it blows up!
If someone licks your elbow... you wont feel it if you put your ear up to someone's leg you can hear them say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Your mama is so nasty. She showed up to red lobster with her own crabs.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife? I woke up Chris breezy
What do you call a A gay Drive-by A fruit roll up
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common? They both enjoy digging up the past
Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery...I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
How do you break up a fight between two gay men Say can you get straight to the point
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs Simply because they look up to me
Genealogist looks at the family tree a gynecologist Looks up the family bush.
