Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
Why don't booties get invited to parties?
They tend to CRACK people up!
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
What did the rapper say to his BLENDER?
"Mix it up, yo!"
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
What is George Floyd’s? Best pick up line Your breathtaking
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
