Unlock Jokes

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it jokes on her she doesn't have any fingers.

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

yo mama so ugly when she went to unlock her phone with her face it said disconnected

I was laughing my ass off when the 12 year old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival 🤣🤣🤣

New skin unlocked: Blood splatter! (Obtained by running over 69 children)

There was a Cowboy riding in an desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her "Hey what's going on ? Why do you cry ? Where are your parents ? What happened ?". The girl said under an crying sad voice "The indians came, killed my father and my mother and raped my sister." The Cowboy just laughed unlocked his belt and put his trousers down and said "Guess it isn't your day is it".

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

Shit if somebody invades America the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go. We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets have become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out? Hell the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have comedy central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the united states. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.

She gets home eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something, not sure what she said the girl replies with "ok".

The young teen was gonna head to bed wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight she lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say "Hunny I'm home", she doesn't bother to say ok.

Later when she decides to sleep she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door that she lost her keys. :)

-Dark_Humor

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖 🔑 🏠 🤔 🙄why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest 👖 👖👖 👖👖👖 👖 removed zippers from the pants of 👬 gay men in the LGBT community? because he lost his key 🔑 to his house and he was desperate to get back 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🏠 inside of his house and he thought that one of keys 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 to their zippers would be able to unlock the door 🚪 of his house 🏠 🙌 🙌 ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ 👍 👍 😁 😁 😁 😁 😊 😊 😊 😊 😃 😃 😆 😆 😄 😆 😄 😆 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴