United States

United States jokes

State

    • What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?

    Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔

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    • State

    • There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

    Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

    Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

    Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

    Clock

    • A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

    The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

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    • Family

    • You know that you f**k better than dad?

    I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

    President

    • How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?

    Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.

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    • Chess

    • Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

    Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

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