What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
Charlene's hairline was so big that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
Your hairline is so far back that the United States got a front row seat!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Canada United States Mexico
C U M
JFK is definitely a bottom.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
