Unit

Unit jokes

Baby

    • Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

    Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

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    • Feminist

    • Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?

    Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.

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    • War

    • In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

    Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

    "Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

    His father pointed at a map of North America.

    "Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

    The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

    "And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

    The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

    "Where is Germany again, Father?"

    He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

    Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

    "Yes?"

    "Has Hitler seen this map?"

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    • Unit memes

    Expedition

    • For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.

    In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).

    During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.

    Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.

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    • War

    • A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"

    Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"

    Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"

    *Insert me starting a war in the comments*

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    • CEO

    • Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

    I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

    That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

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    • Contract

    • Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.