What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
What do u call an autistic army special forces
Canada United States Mexico
C U M
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
Why can’t a nose be 12 feet long?
Because then, it would be a foot.
"What's the wifi password?"
"121i362"
"It's not working."
"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"
"The United Airline."
"We're in the World Trade Center, though."
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
