Unit jokes
Gallons (DYM 113).
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
Memes
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
What do you call an autistic army special forces?
Canada United States Mexico
C U M
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"