dad: My kid just said butch but since he is a kid he said a bad word on accident *the next day* uncle: F*CK
The last time I had flying lessons I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
My uncle got really badly burned the other day. They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
I remember my uncles last words: "I don't think were going shooting today."
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's The Shovel For?"
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
watching 50 shades of grey was more painful then my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets. He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter youranis
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What's the most between my uncle and ance? My ance waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"
my departed uncle was a circus clown before he died
so all his friends came in one car
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me
let go of my nose
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best piolot in iraq
mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle
When your uncle drops a nickel but the only thing he really drops is his pants
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
