Two jokes

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?

An Oreo.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.

Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.

The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

I have big balls, said the kid holding two soccer balls.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Why are Americans so bad at Chess?

They're missing two towers.

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure!

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

What do you call two redheads on Mars?

Locals.

Me: So you two girls are from England?

Girls: Wales.

Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.