Me and Jesus are really close he even turns the light on for me when i go pee in the middle of the, well that is what i thought until the fridge was wet.
Why did mars turn permanently red? Because it saw Uranus
I'll turn ya nan into to bonemeal
why did no one turn up to Jhon's funeral? because sally wrote the invitations
My teacher gave me an A in Physics that she tells me that it turns guys on .
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned and the steaks are higher.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i like my men like i like my alexa by my bed and turned on
Ok so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
How can you get 3 homos to it on one barstool?
Turn it upside down
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it
When you're working in the twin towers but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
The orphan turned 18 but he was happy bcz he didnt have to pay rent to his parents.
