Treatment jokes
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".