Treatment jokes
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.