Treatment jokes
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Cancer.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer…
All of the bristles fell out!
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪