Treatment jokes
How do you get gum out of your hair? Cancer.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.