What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.
I did a walk today and walked today to get my car.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
What do you call a banana driving a car?
A banana car.
Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?
He was shite.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
Why didn’t the toilet cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack!
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
