Transportation jokes
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Here comes the plane... the twins. ☠️
Why did the plane cross the road? To get to the other tower.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
I took a plane to go see my hairline.
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.
Twin Towers: "No, it won't."
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.