Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE MY WIFE GOR HOT BY A BUS!!! AND I LOST MY JOB AS A BUS DRIVER!!
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
You might think these jokes are plane.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.
