Transportation jokes
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.