Toy jokes

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"

Why do orphans love boomerangs?

Because they always return.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

Why do orphans play with boomerangs?

Because they come back.

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot Wheels.

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because they come back, unlike their dad.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?

Hot Wheels.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

A couple has sex in the dark every single night.

One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."

What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.

What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.

Dying mall be like...

"Toys" were us.

Goodbye, kitty.

Dying Canes.