Worst Jokes Ever
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?
Mentos.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
Runner beans.
I made a website for orphans.
There’s no homepage.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"