Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
TommyInnit is a joke.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
What did the bomber say to the jet?
"Sorry bro, I gotta bomb."
*WAIT NO-*
Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.
We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.