Worst Jokes Ever
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
89 cows = 0 cows.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
Bunger.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
Say "crack my finger" backwards.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.