Worst Jokes Ever
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.