Worst Jokes Ever

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

Fat people are the reason we have double doors.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.

Why are people from New York so bad at chess?

Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation...

Guys, it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

What is another word for a bagel? 🥯

Jewish doughnut ✡️ 🍩👏 👏 👍 👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 😋 🏆 🎖