Worst Jokes Ever

All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.

If gay means happy, then I am now straight.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.