Worst Jokes Ever
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
The Twin Towers are like snowmen; they fall and crumble.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
"You look flushed."
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
I don't know what to write here, just like...
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"