Worst Jokes Ever
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!