Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One is loved.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.
Epic gamer.
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.