Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
Why can orphans watch PG movies?
Because it's "Parental Guidance."
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...
Because it's a FAMILY company.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
Oooh, I fall apart. Oooh, yeah, mmhmm. She told me that I'm not enough, yeah, And she left me with a broken heart, yeah. She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah. She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah. Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah, And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah. Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.