Worst Jokes Ever
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I heard a joke about chocolate.
It wasn’t that funny.
I just Snicker-ed.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the quiet kid's favorite school lunch? Mac-10 and cheese.