Worst Jokes Ever
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
They are hairy.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.