Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
If you read this, you lost your v card.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Yo mama so fat that if we cut her open, we could stop world hunger.
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."