I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Epic gamer.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t go home.
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?
Cosmic Brownies.
