Best Jokes - Page 247 - Worst Jokes Ever

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

What do you call a group of transgender women?

X-Men.

Yo mama so fat that she doesn't need the internet, she is worldwide.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

What do you call a person with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.

Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.

That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.

What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?

"Time to hit the sack!"

Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...

Because it's a FAMILY company.

Why can orphans watch PG movies?

Because it's "Parental Guidance."

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

Why were the Twin Towers angry?

They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"