Worst Jokes Ever
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
Knock knock. Who's there? Bad joke.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
I ain’t a chicken, but I ate a duck before.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
Trump.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
Jimmylikeskids4
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.