Worst Jokes Ever
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo so it would cut itself.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.