Worst Jokes Ever
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.