Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
What's a footlong and slippery?
A slipper.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on the bench?
The NBA.
What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
Are you a knife? Because I want you.
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
The people in 9/11 were the fastest readers. They went through 10 stories in 10 seconds.