Worst Jokes Ever
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can't find home!
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
1+1? Too hard.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
Have you ever eaten African food?
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.